Slutty Cheff answers your questions

It’s been a Slutty Cheff summer. With the release of her debut book TART last month, our favourite Lime bike-riding, ciggie-rolling, chef-roasting chef, Sunday Times bestselling author, and all-round provocateur has been everywhere—interviewed by Vogue, Playboy, Interview, and Cosmopolitan—her book reviewed in publications as esteemed as The Economist and The New York Times. She took time out of her whirlwind press tour to talk to CODE and answer our readers’ questions.

If you could start your career all over again, what would you do differently?

Nothing. All mistakes and faux pas are useful even if they are excruciating to remember.

So, are you a chef or a writer now? Was there a point when you had to decide?

Both of these words sound too esteemed for how I feel. They suggest proven experience and refined skill which I don’t really have in either departments. I feel like a cook, not a chef. I feel like someone who writes, not a writer.

How do you manage the tension between being anonymous and publicising your book? Between being private and oversharing?

In terms of the book publicity stuff, I don’t see it as tension, more just a fun challenge to get creative with. There is tension when it comes to oversharing and being private, but that is why my anonymity is my saving grace – it means I can detach from the loud mouthed, explicit, overly self indulgent person I am when writing, leave it behind, then go have a private pint with my dad. The two never overlap. I am Hannah Montana.

What would have to change in kitchens to lure you back full-time?

If I wasn’t getting paid to write then I would be in kitchens therefore nothing.

Any suggestions for handling the Victors [the creep in TART] of the world, how we can get them out of our kitchens and out of our lives?

Talk to your team or head chef about it. It is uncomfortable and nerve-wracking but do it because you will be surprised by how supportive others are, especially men. And that is a nice feeling, it restores your faith in humanity. If your team/head chef doesn’t back you then quit and go and work somewhere that isn’t full of slimy bastards. 

What advice would you offer a young writer starting out?

Only be a writer if you would be happy to write forever without anyone reading it and patting you on the back. Do it because you like writing not because being a writer sounds cool. Accept that you aren’t owed people’s undivided attention and that someone spending two minutes out of their day to read your thoughts is a privilege, so make the thoughts useful or interesting or funny. Don’t use words that make you feel smart or superior.

What advice would you offer a young chef starting out?

Get in a professional kitchen asap. Be helpful. Don’t be too loud or cocky. Be clean and organised. Be quick and efficient. Don’t moan. Stay after work for a drink. Be polite to KPs. Don’t grope women’s arses. If you don’t love it, don’t bother pursuing it. You won’t last.

Who’s more tarty, boys or girls?

Anyone can be a tart if they work hard enough at it.

Bad sex, or bad food, for the rest of your life. Which would you pick?

Neither, I’d have good sex and good food. Or if I had to choose then I would choose bad sex and then would send my lover on an immersive 6 week tantric training course where he would learn how to fuck. I can’t answer this okay!!!!! It’s making me spiral into a depression.

What’s the best dish to share in bed?

Ice cream or room temp pizza where the oil has solidified so won’t stain the sheets.

What’s been the toughest thing about breaking through in the cheffing industry as a woman?

I don’t think I have broken through anything. I have worked in kitchens, yes, but so have many other women.  The toughest thing is people treating me like I am special for doing something many others do, as if I am Jesus turning water into wine. If you mean the toughest thing about working as a woman in a kitchen, then it is day 1 or 2 of your period, no paracetamol, shit service, late clean down and teenage boys being irritating loud mouthed c*nts.